


don't let fear get in the way

by Anonymous



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Come Eating, Cunnilingus, Hand Jobs, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 12:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19173172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: if he tells patrick, he might lose hopebut is it really better to live in fear?





	don't let fear get in the way

**Author's Note:**

> hihi quick thing!!!!
> 
> tw for female anatomical terms used for a transmasculine person! not verbally, only mentally
> 
> he is post top and on t but pre bottom!
> 
> pat refers to the stuff in pretty explicitly male ways
> 
> otherwise it's pretty chill! just a good fun time!
> 
> \-----  
> transmasc!brian because im trans masc and projection is a bitch
> 
> please don't read this
> 
> if ur name is po/ygon please oh god please click away u don't want this

it wasn't that brian was lying. he was... obfuscating the truth, for the sake of his own safety. that's all

tara, presumably, knows: she has his medical information via insurance and while he's sure she's never looked though it, it's easier to assume she knows and doesn't care.

simone knows, not because simone is nosy, but apparently the gaydar works for trans people too.

brian's sure, at some point, that others will figure it out. he's got scars. he's going to need surgery someday.

but for now, it was easier to ignore it.

the only issue was pat. brian was head-over-heels on day one. a few months into working at polygon, pat had asked him on a date. they'd gone back to pat's apartment, things had started getting a little hot and heavy, and brian had panicked.

pat had, presumably, read it as 'i'm not interested and also why would you do that' and had backed off so far brian was afraid he would lose the man's friendship as well. eventually, though, they settled back to where they were before. brian never really explained why he'd gotten so skittish that night, and pat had never asked. 

probably for the best.

how do you tell your male coworker who you have the hots for, who you assume feels the same way, that you're trans?

"uhhh yeah pat gill don't freak out when you unbutton my shirt and see some mad scars it's just from where i was cut open because i'm not in the right fucking body also i don't have a dick! wanna fuck?"

"oh i see you're wondering how i, brian dickless gilbert, am going to top you. great news! i have a giant fucking dildo that i want to pound you with this is normal!"

"hey buddy i hope you're not really grossed out by what's going on down there! because i am! please just fuck me so i don't have to- oh? you hate it? great!"

he wasn't going to do it.

but the knowledge that they were mutually pining for one another and the only thing stopping brian from telling pat was his transness was, frankly, transphobic.

he knew pat would be supportive. he knew that it wouldn't affect their friendship in any way. he knew that pat would fight any transphobes who dared to look at brian.

but a lot of gay guys won't date a dickless dude. and brian would rather spend eternity knowing that pat likes him than risk a moment where the illusion collapses.

and yet somehow, brian's tipsy because he can't hold his alcohol, pat's doing shots with simone, brian finds himself flirting. pat's flirting back, he thinks, because minutes later pat's got his tongue down brian's throat and his fingers tangled in brian's curls.

pat breaks away from the kiss, panting. his pupils are blown out and he looks down at brian lustfully

"wanna... wanna get you off, bri"

brian freezes. thinks about running again. realizes he couldn't do that to pat again. takes a breath.

"i'd really, really like that, pat gill."

pat smiles and reaches for brian's belt, but the younger man grabs his wrist.

"i- i think i should do this myself. i'm wearing a packer."

brian watches as pat cocks his head in confusion, realizes what he'e talking about, connects the dots, and realizes that-

"sounds good, baby boy. can't wait to get my fingers inside of you."

brian sucks in a breath. holy shit. patrick can't be real. this. all can't be real.

but brian's pulling down his pants and boxers and getting his packer out of the way and pressing himself against pat his clit is absolutely throbbing and-

"can i touch you, brian?"

pat's voice is soft, reverent. brian nods mutely.

the first touch is featherlight, nervous. patrick ever so gently trails a finger across brian and uses the wetness to ever so gently massage brian's clit.

"does that feel okay?"

brian assumes that his throaty moan as patrick grips his clit with both thumb and forefinger answers the man's question. just in case it doesn't, brian leans up and presses a kiss against patrick's lips, sighing in contentment when pat opens his mouth to accept brian's probing tongue.

patrick's still rubbing, rolling brian's clit between two fingers. it's impossibly hot, but too much too much too much-

"pat. please, inside me!"

patrick obeys, sliding his index finger into brian's warmth, causing the smaller man to whine into the crook of pat's neck.

he hooks a finger up and searches for a moment - he's gay; there's no way he's done this before - but when he finds the spot, brian's throwing his head back and gasping pat's name.

"do you want another?" patrick whispers, almost shyly.

brian stutters out an affirmative noise and pat's a second finger, murmuring things that... things that brian didn't think he would ever hear in reference to him.

"god i love fucking into your tight little hole; you feel so good around my fingers, so hot and tight. gonna make you come just from hitting your prostate baby; gonna make you feel so good..."

brian's not sure whether it's pat's words or hand that's bringing him close, but with a desparate urgancy, he bats pat's thumb out of the way - he's trying, brian has to give him credit for that - and rubs his own clit, sighing into the feeling of patrick's now third finger filling him up.

he uses his free hand to steady himself on patrick's shoulder before pressing down onto patrick's hand, straining out "don't fucking move," and finally, finally finding release.

pat's fingers slide out when brian relaxes, catching a few times to work brian though his aftershocks.

brian, still a little distant from his orgasm, gets to work on patrick's pants, pulling his cock out of his boxers and gasping softly.

slyly, brian reaches down, swipes some of his own cum, and uses it to slick his stroke as he wraps his fingers around pat's dick. it's patrick's turn to groan, open hand still gripping brian's hair. brian reaches for his still wet hand and takes three fingers into his mouth, whining wontonly as he does.

he feels patrick jerk, grunt, knuckle at brian's scalp, come, and relax as brian lets up on the speed, carefully working pat through his orgasm.

they stand for a moment, panting and leaning against one another.

"fuck, brian. is that why you made me wait four more months?"

brian ducks his head in embarrassment.

"it's okay, dude. i wouldn't have wanted to pressure you into anything!"

brian smiles. speaks, for the first time coherently in several minutes.

"pat that was... that was so good."

brian's not crying; testosterone is good at getting that out of your system. but if he could, he would be sobbing.

"i've never... not with a trans guy, you know? i didn't say anything wrong or like-"

brian cuts him off with a kiss.

"you were perfect, pat gill."

**Author's Note:**

> mwah they're gay ;)


End file.
